2) Dealing with Tantrums -Now this is a particularly tricky one, because there are soooo many versions of tantrums. Some children go as far as holding their breath and losing consciousness. This seems impossible but I recently met a muslim sister who went through this incredibly mortifying experience a few times. She thought her child was dead laying there on the floor and I must say, I have NO IDEA what I would do if I were in that situation. But Alhamdulillah the kid seems to be growing out of it and I certainly do not wish this ordeal on anyone.
SO, that being said, consider yourself fortunate if you are one of the everyday parents with a TODDLER that attempts to throw the 'usual tantrum'. These being, screaming, crying & protesting loudly, maybe dropping on the floor and not wanting to move, throwing things...just to cover a few.
Bear in mind that I said 'toddler'. Because it is at the toddler and under three age that all tantrum attempts most be put UNDER CONTROL. If we don't make up our minds to train our children before they start school, then this is going to open up a whole new world of panadol, therapy and STRESS for Mom and Dad.
1) SHARING - Proper training starts at home....and teaching your kids to share with one another is an excellent way to start. If your children are able to share their toys with their siblings and work together, then this will help to eliminate several years of constant fighting, yelling and sibling jealous issues down the road. It will also prevent them clinging on to items in stores sreaming "Mine! Mine!! I want! I want!" because they have been trained at home to share and not fight over toys and things. Once mummy says "No! It's his turn to use it now", then that would be established as the final word on the matter. So when out in public, all you have to say is, "No sorry, that toy belongs to the sales lady, so we can't carry it home". Now, being realistic, they are children....so they are not going to want to share everything....they are going to have their special toys that they just can't let go of. There is leeway there. Particularly when they got a new toy that day, or have a lolly pop in their mouth or are building something that only one kid can do at a time...Obviously, at these times we don't force them to share because this will hinder their personal development and ability to enjoy these little thrills fully. What you can do however is if one kid comes home from grandpa with a baggy of treats, you simply say "Oh nice snacks! Do they taste nice?? Do you think you little brother or big brother might like how it tastes too? YOu would be such a good boy/girl if you give brother/sister one. That would make brother so happy don't you think!? :)!" Smile and sound really excited about that idea and because most children will naturally do anything to make mummy and daddy proud of them, they will most likely share out the sweets equally on their own. If not, and you have a really independant little kid who just dances to his own beat no matter what anyone thinks, then you need to explain and state frankly, that "we must always share with our brothers/sisters. If you have two, then one is for you and one is for brother. If you are finished with your toy, then let brother have a chance so brother can be happy too for a while." Kids who are independant, entertaining and cute little wrebbles usually like things explained to them and are usually very 'quick'. They usually give into the suggestion once it makes sense. So don't hesitate to explain 'why' they need to share.
2) LOOK AWAY - I'm a firm believer in nipping things in the bud. So as soon as your toddler attempts a tantrum, just look away...maybe evenw alk awaya nd pretend you don't see a thing. He will stop crying eventually and wonder why you can't hear him. When that happens, turn around smiling at him and change the topic. Point up in the sky or at the roof and say "Look!!! Is that plane or a cloud?!!?" or "Is that a bug or a spot on the ceiling?" and then pick them up and continue the conversation and make them forget what they were crying about. If they start crying again, do the same thing, put them down in the same corner and walk/turn away. When they stop, do the same as before (change the topic and loook happy)... They need to be thought that throwing tantrums has absolutely no effect on you. It doesn't bother you and will not impact on your decisions at all. ONce you allow tantrums to get out of control, it is very very difficult to break that habit. Your kids will walk all over you and will be impossible to carry out in public....So, INshaa Allah, a little patience and consistancy in the beginning goes a long way towards helping you to keep your sanity down the road;)
SO, that being said, consider yourself fortunate if you are one of the everyday parents with a TODDLER that attempts to throw the 'usual tantrum'. These being, screaming, crying & protesting loudly, maybe dropping on the floor and not wanting to move, throwing things...just to cover a few.
Bear in mind that I said 'toddler'. Because it is at the toddler and under three age that all tantrum attempts most be put UNDER CONTROL. If we don't make up our minds to train our children before they start school, then this is going to open up a whole new world of panadol, therapy and STRESS for Mom and Dad.
1) SHARING - Proper training starts at home....and teaching your kids to share with one another is an excellent way to start. If your children are able to share their toys with their siblings and work together, then this will help to eliminate several years of constant fighting, yelling and sibling jealous issues down the road. It will also prevent them clinging on to items in stores sreaming "Mine! Mine!! I want! I want!" because they have been trained at home to share and not fight over toys and things. Once mummy says "No! It's his turn to use it now", then that would be established as the final word on the matter. So when out in public, all you have to say is, "No sorry, that toy belongs to the sales lady, so we can't carry it home". Now, being realistic, they are children....so they are not going to want to share everything....they are going to have their special toys that they just can't let go of. There is leeway there. Particularly when they got a new toy that day, or have a lolly pop in their mouth or are building something that only one kid can do at a time...Obviously, at these times we don't force them to share because this will hinder their personal development and ability to enjoy these little thrills fully. What you can do however is if one kid comes home from grandpa with a baggy of treats, you simply say "Oh nice snacks! Do they taste nice?? Do you think you little brother or big brother might like how it tastes too? YOu would be such a good boy/girl if you give brother/sister one. That would make brother so happy don't you think!? :)!" Smile and sound really excited about that idea and because most children will naturally do anything to make mummy and daddy proud of them, they will most likely share out the sweets equally on their own. If not, and you have a really independant little kid who just dances to his own beat no matter what anyone thinks, then you need to explain and state frankly, that "we must always share with our brothers/sisters. If you have two, then one is for you and one is for brother. If you are finished with your toy, then let brother have a chance so brother can be happy too for a while." Kids who are independant, entertaining and cute little wrebbles usually like things explained to them and are usually very 'quick'. They usually give into the suggestion once it makes sense. So don't hesitate to explain 'why' they need to share.
2) LOOK AWAY - I'm a firm believer in nipping things in the bud. So as soon as your toddler attempts a tantrum, just look away...maybe evenw alk awaya nd pretend you don't see a thing. He will stop crying eventually and wonder why you can't hear him. When that happens, turn around smiling at him and change the topic. Point up in the sky or at the roof and say "Look!!! Is that plane or a cloud?!!?" or "Is that a bug or a spot on the ceiling?" and then pick them up and continue the conversation and make them forget what they were crying about. If they start crying again, do the same thing, put them down in the same corner and walk/turn away. When they stop, do the same as before (change the topic and loook happy)... They need to be thought that throwing tantrums has absolutely no effect on you. It doesn't bother you and will not impact on your decisions at all. ONce you allow tantrums to get out of control, it is very very difficult to break that habit. Your kids will walk all over you and will be impossible to carry out in public....So, INshaa Allah, a little patience and consistancy in the beginning goes a long way towards helping you to keep your sanity down the road;)
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